How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

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silverskates
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How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by silverskates » Wed Oct 25, 2017 2:56 pm

I'm a mom of 4 and have a strong desire to travel abroad but ever since I became a mom I've turned into a chicken. I know it's because I'm afraid of dying (e.g. plane crash) and leaving them without a mom. Prior to having kids I never worried about this.

My mom is retired and expresses the same desire to travel and I'd love to take the opportunity with her before she gets too old to do so but I'm hesitant. My husband is totally on board to have me travel with my mom and wants me to go for it.

Any thoughts on how to look at this differently so I don't miss out on travel opportunities?

Thanks in advance!

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by Sandtrap » Wed Oct 25, 2017 3:03 pm

Consider doing it for your mom, not yourself.
Consider coming home refreshed and renewed, an energized mom for your children.
Consider it teaching your children that mom needs a break, too.
As for risk, it is far safer than anything on the planet, including hiring an AUM FA off of Craigslist, signing on to an investment seminar 1 year program with free lunch included, or sitting through a time share presentation for oceanfront property in Arizona. :shock:

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by nedsaid » Wed Oct 25, 2017 3:11 pm

silverskates wrote:
Wed Oct 25, 2017 2:56 pm
I'm a mom of 4 and have a strong desire to travel abroad but ever since I became a mom I've turned into a chicken. I know it's because I'm afraid of dying (e.g. plane crash) and leaving them without a mom. Prior to having kids I never worried about this.

My mom is retired and expresses the same desire to travel and I'd love to take the opportunity with her before she gets too old to do so but I'm hesitant. My husband is totally on board to have me travel with my mom and wants me to go for it.

Any thoughts on how to look at this differently so I don't miss out on travel opportunities?

Thanks in advance!
Just go for it, particularly since your husband is on board. You are almost safer in a passenger jet than you are in your own bed! Most European cities are safer than many American cities. Your mom isn't going to be able to travel forever, don't let fears of dying cause you to miss out on some great life experiences.
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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by Flobes » Wed Oct 25, 2017 3:15 pm

silverskates wrote:
Wed Oct 25, 2017 2:56 pm
Any thoughts on how to look at this differently so I don't miss out on travel opportunities?
One: Your mom will not live forever, and her health may decline. Either is certainly way more likely for her than for you. Celebrate adventures together. Do not have regrets when she ages or passes.

Two: Teach your children how love for family can take many forms. It can be a deep lesson for how they'll relate to each other as well as to you in the decades ahead.

Three: Empower your mom to travel. Once she goes with you, she may feel more comfortable feeding her wanderlust on her own, with Road Scholar, ElderTreks, etc.

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by frugalfraggle » Wed Oct 25, 2017 3:15 pm

I would suggest starting small. For example, you could first do a trip within the country and just be gone for a few days. Then expand until you are globetrotting.

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by bob60014 » Wed Oct 25, 2017 3:16 pm

Just do it!

Re: " I know it's because I'm afraid of dying (e.g. plane crash) ...." Its been stated often you are more likely to be struck by lightning, a car accident contracting Zika or....you name it.

Have a good trip with mom!

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by jabberwockOG » Wed Oct 25, 2017 3:17 pm

Travel today can be risky given the state of the world with regard to crime and terrorists but commercial air travel is not a risk to worry about. The taxi to or from the airport is where people should worry.

Flying the major's heavy jets is levels of magnitude safer than traveling in a car (or walking down the street, or on a flight of stairs, or eating restaurant and choking for that matter). As an example the odds of dying in a transatlantic plane crash has been estimated at approximately 1 in 5.4 million. At 1 in 5.4 million odds, you would have to fly every day for 10,200 years to get to a 50/50 chance of dying on a specific long distance flight. 98% probability of death in a crash would be reached in 68,200 years.

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by runner540 » Wed Oct 25, 2017 3:23 pm

My sympathies. If you are a quantitative person, focus on the fact that driving daily is far riskier than flying. Also, do you and your husband have a comprehensive estate and custody plan, just in case?? While nothing can ever replace a parent, it might help you to know you have done the best you can for your kids.

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by fourwheelcycle » Wed Oct 25, 2017 3:29 pm

Great answer from Sandtrap!

Looking back over our life, I am certain the most dangerous trips we ever did were putting Mom, Dad and our kids in the car and driving across the country to visit Yellowstone, the Grand Canyon, Colonial Williamburg, etc. Even more dangerous was when my own and my wife's parents did the same trips with their children playing and sleeping w/o seat belts in the back of their family station wagons.

I certainly agree flying seems to concentrate the danger over a shorter period of time, but your brain knows, even if your emotions resist, that flying overseas is much safer than doing driving vacations at home.

PS. My wife and I just returned from a wonderful trip to Europe and we are home safely to tell about it!

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by Chuck » Wed Oct 25, 2017 3:36 pm

I have a fear of traveling WITH my children...

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Soul.in.Progress
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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by Soul.in.Progress » Wed Oct 25, 2017 3:40 pm

I think it’s great that you have the opportunity to travel with your mom, as well as the personal desire and your husband’s support! At the same time, we all have fears, and as a mom I can totally relate to how the “risk of death” perspective eerily changes after having kids. I am a certified scuba diver and had nary a fear pre-kids. However, each of the dives I’ve done after having kids had me imagining, while underwater :shock:, a death and the thought of my kids having no parents (DH was usually my dive partner). So, I can relate to your fear.

However, one thing that might help you think of it differently: the statistics of you dying while on travel are low. I don’t have a reference to cite for this, but I do know that thousands if not hundreds of thousands of people travel globally just fine. There are occasional tragic events, and those can get publicized heavily (if there’s a plane crash or other incident), but the media coverage makes them seem like they’re occurring at a greater rate than they actually are. Try to counter the fear with logic, if you can. In the past, I had a job where I regularly traveled internationally and domestically, and pretty much all of my international trips were great experiences and memories. I also brought back things from around the globe for my kids, as well as pictures and stories to share with them about other countries. As they got older, I was able to sometimes take them on these trips. Good experiences for all.

I wish you the best in your decision, OP!
Start by doing what is necessary; | then do what is possible; | and suddenly you are doing the impossible. | -- Francis of Assisi

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by Nate79 » Wed Oct 25, 2017 3:51 pm

Besides the personal details others posted on I would make sure you have sufficient term insurance so that your children are well taken care of if something did happen. Also consider booking your travel using a credit card that has good travel accident insurance.

Ensuring your family is well cared for financially in case something happens when you are traveling SHOULD help in easing some of the anxiety. Remember, something could happen to you at any time anywhere. Best to be prepared and not worry about it.

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by Silk McCue » Wed Oct 25, 2017 3:58 pm

Do not let fear control living your life. Traveling overseas is as safe as most everything you do here at home. There are tens of thousands of Americans traveling overseas and returning home safely all the time. This is encouragement and not chastisement.

silverskates
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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by silverskates » Wed Oct 25, 2017 4:14 pm

Great responses, everyone! :) Thank you all for taking the time to respond. It's nice to get other people's thoughts about this because I don't want to let this fear rule my life and hold me back from the things I want to do now and in the future.

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by Afty » Wed Oct 25, 2017 4:53 pm

I’m not sure that quoting statistics at you is helpful. But flying really is remarkably safe, much safer than driving which you probably do every day. Would you consider taking medication for anxiety before flying?

My wife does an international trip every year to hike with her father. Initially she was reluctant to leave me home alone with the kids, but I’m happy to do it. She has a wonderful time, and I feel happy that she is spending quality time with her dad. I hope it pays off when our kids are grown, and maybe I can convince them to travel with us. :)

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by Doom&Gloom » Wed Oct 25, 2017 4:57 pm

frugalfraggle wrote:
Wed Oct 25, 2017 3:15 pm
I would suggest starting small. For example, you could first do a trip within the country and just be gone for a few days. Then expand until you are globetrotting.
You beat me to it! Even add a few roadtrips of increasing lengths before flying somewhere.

In addition, also gradually lengthen the periods between phone calls with your children while you are gone.

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by 123 » Wed Oct 25, 2017 5:00 pm

silverskates wrote:
Wed Oct 25, 2017 2:56 pm
I'm a mom of 4 and have a strong desire to travel abroad but ever since I became a mom I've turned into a chicken. I know it's because I'm afraid of dying (e.g. plane crash) and leaving them without a mom. Prior to having kids I never worried about this.
...
You need to have more confidence in your spouse in terms of raising children. Don't insult him. Just go.
The closest helping hand is at the end of your own arm.

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by oldcomputerguy » Wed Oct 25, 2017 5:05 pm

I live near our local airport. The number of people killed annually on the highway in front of the airport way exceeds the number of people killed in all the flights into and out of that airport during the same year. I (as well, I'm sure, as many others here) have been abroad on multiple occasions. I'm still alive and kicking, and I feel more at risk driving on that highway than I do in boarding a Delta jet to go abroad. Go for it.
Anybody know why there's a 20-pound frozen turkey up in the light grid?

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by namekevaste » Wed Oct 25, 2017 6:54 pm

I think the risk to your children is higher when you and your husband and driving to dinner together . Be a boglehead and think of international travel as a way to diversify geographically and reduce event risk :D
On a serious note, I think my wife and I faced a similar issue when we were young parents. After the first trip, you get over the fear. We make sure our phones have good international coverage and use Whatsapp in countries where the calling rates are exorbitant. Facetime is great if your children are old enough to use a smartphone responsibly. Amazon Alexa is also a great way to keep in touch and you can "drop-in" from the beach to check in on homework.

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by bhough » Wed Oct 25, 2017 6:58 pm

OP,

Imaging flying with your four children, making sure they pack all of their clothes, cuddlies and toys. Struggling with luggage in the airport, finding out that you have to split up on the plane such that your 8 year is in a middle seat between two strangers, etc.

I would make the argument that after you travel alone with your mother, that you also travel alone with your husband and then you by yourself. The few chances I've got to do this without my kids were so exciting and wonderful, plus I missed them in 3-4 days and my loved for them was recharged when I got home. In contrast to that, when I take them someone for a 5 days vacation and they all complain "why is the grand canyon so hot?"!?!?!? I want to murder them when we get home, which is usually the day before I have to go back to the megacorp job.

Your peace of mind and personal growth is as important as theirs.

b

sco
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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by sco » Thu Oct 26, 2017 9:55 am

If it makes you feel better, statistically you are much more likely to die driving around town (or to the airport) than actually flying on Commercial Airlines.

JBTX
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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by JBTX » Thu Oct 26, 2017 10:19 am

About 1.7 million use air travel in the US per day. That’s about 630 million per year.

The last major US crash with fatalities was 2009.

Putting aside stats:

Do it for your parents
Do it for your kids - they need to learn to live without “mommy”. Don’t wait until you drop them off at college.
Do it for your family - the break in routine will make you happier and Your family stronger.

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by lazydavid » Thu Oct 26, 2017 10:29 am

jabberwockOG wrote:
Wed Oct 25, 2017 3:17 pm
Flying the major's heavy jets is levels of magnitude safer than traveling in a car (or walking down the street, or on a flight of stairs, or eating restaurant and choking for that matter). As an example the odds of dying in a transatlantic plane crash has been estimated at approximately 1 in 5.4 million. At 1 in 5.4 million odds, you would have to fly every day for 10,200 years to get to a 50/50 chance of dying on a specific long distance flight. 98% probability of death in a crash would be reached in 68,200 years.
This actually vastly overstates the likelihood. One in every 1.2 million flights crashes, and the survival rate for crashes that DO occur is 95.7%. So the likelyhood of *A* fatality on a given flight is one in eleven million.

https://curiosity.com/topics/how-do-peo ... -o53cN3Xy/

With anywhere from 30-400 people on a flight, the likelihood of any specific person dying in a crash become positively astronomical. Let's go on the smaller side and say the average number of passengers on a flight is 130. So you have a one in 1.43 billion chance of dying on any given flight. By contrast, you are 13x more likely (one in 112 million chance) to be killed by a vending machine in any given year:

http://freakonomics.com/2011/09/08/how- ... onal-risk/

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by sco » Thu Oct 26, 2017 7:09 pm

What Are the Odds of Dying From...
It might seem a bit morbid, but human nature leads us to contemplate our demise. We sometimes wonder, "What are my odds of dying from..."?

Are you more likely to be killed in a car crash or shot to death by an assailant? Is it really that rare to be struck by lightning? Here at the National Safety Council, we get those questions a lot.
So, we put together the Odds of Dying chart below. (Here's another way to look at it.) Keep in mind these odds are statistical averages over the entire U.S. population and do not necessarily reflect the chances of death for a particular person from a particular external cause. Odds of dying are affected by an individual’s activities, occupation, and where he or she lives and drives, among other things.

That being said, if the odds of dying from all possible causes are 1 in 1, here are the lifetime odds of death for selected causes, from most likely to least:

Cause of Death Odds of Dying
Heart Disease and Cancer 1 in 7
Chronic Lower Respiratory Disease 1 in 28
Intentional Self-harm 1 in 95
Unintentional Poisoning by and Exposure to Noxious Substances 1 in 96
Motor Vehicle Crash 1 in 114
Fall 1 in 127
Assault by Firearm 1 in 370
Car Occupant 1 in 645
Pedestrian Incident 1 in 647
Motorcycle Rider Incident 1 in 985
Unintentional Drowning and Submersion 1 in 1,188
Exposure to Fire, Flames or Smoke 1 in 1,498
Choking from Inhalation and Ingestion of Food 1 in 3,461
Pedacyclist Incident 1 in 4,486
Firearms Discharge 1 in 6,905
Air and Space Transport Incidents 1 in 9,821
Exposure to Electric Current, Radiation, Temperature and Pressure 1 in 15,212
Exposure to Excessive Natural Heat 1 in 16,584
Contact with Sharp Objects 1 in 38,174
Contact with Heat and Hot Substances 1 in 56,992
Contact with Hornets, Wasps and Bees 1 in 63,225
Cataclysmic Storm 1 in 66,335
Being Bitten or Struck by a Dog 1 in 112,400
Legal Execution 1 in 119,012
Lightning Strike 1 in 161,856
Source: National Safety Council estimates


http://nsc.org/learn/safety-knowled ... chart.aspx

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by staythecourse » Thu Oct 26, 2017 7:36 pm

Apologize if this has been mentioned elsewhere, but I would say this is at the threshold of needing psychology evaluation and treatment. I would consider it "pathological" if one has a fear of something well outside of its proportion AND it prevents you from living your life you want. This seems to qualify.

Make an appointment with a mental health professional. I can guarantee this won't/ isn't the only issue that exists/ will exist if you do not deal with it.

Good luck.
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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by terran » Thu Oct 26, 2017 8:17 pm

Not that I would suggest money can replace you, but would buying life insurance that could cover the loss of income and services you provide your family make you feel better about things?

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by finite_difference » Thu Oct 26, 2017 8:18 pm

I’ll tell you, but only if you first tell me how to get over my fear of traveling with my children and spouse.
The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention. - Thich Nhat Hanh

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by bottlecap » Fri Oct 27, 2017 6:54 am

All I can say to help is that your chances of dying in a plane crash or while on vacation are pretty darn low. You're probably far more likely to drop dead while you're at home.

I understand the fear and I think about it every time I travel alone, but it's not realistic.

If you have the opportunity to do a little traveling with your Mom now, you will regret it if you don't and it turns out she can't travel when she's older. Perhaps fear of that regret will push you into action?

JT

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by bungalow10 » Fri Oct 27, 2017 7:44 am

I'm a mom of three under age 10 who travels a lot for work (and sometimes for fun). I used to travel all over the US, but now we live in Europe and I still travel to the US, but I've also added international travel. This week I will be Australia, New Zealand, and Japan (eek!). I do get freaked out before trips sometimes, but focusing on it's just five days or seven days or two flights (or this week it is eight flights...) or whatever seems to work well. The more familiar I am with the place the easier it is.

Not sure how to help you, other than you just have to do it. The feelings are fairly normal. The confidence you will build in learning how to use planes, trains and automobiles all over the world will be worth it!
An elephant for a dime is only a good deal if you need an elephant and have a dime.

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by PoppyA » Fri Oct 27, 2017 7:59 am

I think you are selling your children short. As the child of a Mother who passed away when I was young, though I miss and think of her every day, I turned out just fine.

Don’t hold on so tight. It’s not good for your children.
"La Bella Luna"

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by oldcomputerguy » Fri Oct 27, 2017 8:09 am

silverskates wrote:
Wed Oct 25, 2017 2:56 pm
I'm a mom of 4 and have a strong desire to travel abroad but ever since I became a mom I've turned into a chicken. I know it's because I'm afraid of dying (e.g. plane crash) and leaving them without a mom. Prior to having kids I never worried about this.
Think of it this way... if you were travelling with spouse and kids, do you think the flight would be any safer?
Anybody know why there's a 20-pound frozen turkey up in the light grid?

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by lazydavid » Fri Oct 27, 2017 8:55 am

oldcomputerguy wrote:
Fri Oct 27, 2017 8:09 am
Think of it this way... if you were travelling with spouse and kids, do you think the flight would be any safer?
I think the second part of her sentence is actually the fear. She's not afraid of dying per se, but the impact on the rest of the family that results from leaving them behind. If everybody's on the same plane, that fear basically goes away. In the exceedingly unlikely event of catastrophe, they all die together.

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by staythecourse » Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:00 am

lazydavid wrote:
Fri Oct 27, 2017 8:55 am
oldcomputerguy wrote:
Fri Oct 27, 2017 8:09 am
Think of it this way... if you were travelling with spouse and kids, do you think the flight would be any safer?
I think the second part of her sentence is actually the fear. She's not afraid of dying per se, but the impact on the rest of the family that results from leaving them behind. If everybody's on the same plane, that fear basically goes away. In the exceedingly unlikely event of catastrophe, they all die together.
Bingo. As I mentioned on my post this has nothing to do with dying on a plane thus talking about % of dying flying is not dealing with the issue at hand. There are separation, guilt, and/ or abandonment issues at play. Best to see someone who is a mental health expert as I can see this form of anxiety only getting worse and involve more aspects of the OP daily life.

Best to get it checked out by the experts instead of listening to all of us amateur psychologists. :D

Good luck.
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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by Calhoon » Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:05 am

You're thinking about this way too much. Just do it, and afterwards I'm sure you'll look back and wonder what you were worried about.

When you sit around and worry about stuff like this it distorts reality.

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by fposte » Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:09 am

lazydavid wrote:
Fri Oct 27, 2017 8:55 am
oldcomputerguy wrote:
Fri Oct 27, 2017 8:09 am
Think of it this way... if you were travelling with spouse and kids, do you think the flight would be any safer?
I think the second part of her sentence is actually the fear. She's not afraid of dying per se, but the impact on the rest of the family that results from leaving them behind. If everybody's on the same plane, that fear basically goes away. In the exceedingly unlikely event of catastrophe, they all die together.
Though, as pointed out upstream, that's not true either; 100% fatality accidents are the most newsworthy, but they're not the most common. I understand, though, that we may be talking more a phobia and less about logic here (I've dealt with a flying phobia for decades, so I'm not judging).

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by mouses » Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:12 am

I would give a lot to be able to travel with my Mom. Neither of you is getting any younger. Don't look back on this missed opportunity when either of you are not physically capable of it any more, or, like, dead.

As long are you stay away from dangerous areas, you are probably safer traveling than at home.

I did some traveling on my own as a young woman. It is a great way to meet people in foreign countries as opposed to group travel.

Do stock up on life insurance as that may make you feel better. You and your hubby should probably have enough life insurance anyway to help support the family, take care of child care, etc. if one of you dies when the kids are young.
Last edited by mouses on Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by Steve723 » Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:12 am

Silverskates, I have battled a similar fear of flying for a couple of decades now, but have managed it through cognitive behavioral and relaxation techniques. Now I am simply a somewhat nervous flyer, but I can fly and do so regularly! I would strongly suggest you see a psychologist that specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. The underlying anxiety you have is a completely normal physical instinct kicking in (the fight or flight instinct, ironically!).

Simply reciting all the safety stats on flying usually isn't enough to overcome underlying anxiety, which is a very powerful instinct. There are other techniques that you can deploy and a therapist that specializes in anxiety can help. I promise you that you can manage this; don't be afraid to go see someone!

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by mouses » Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:14 am

Steve723 wrote:
Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:12 am
Silverskates, I have battled a similar fear of flying for a couple of decades now, but have managed it through cognitive behavioral and relaxation techniques. Now I am simply a somewhat nervous flyer, but I can fly and do so regularly! I would strongly suggest you see a psychologist that specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. The underlying anxiety you have is a completely normal physical instinct kicking in (the fight or flight instinct, ironically!).

Simply reciting all the safety stats on flying usually isn't enough to overcome underlying anxiety, which is a very powerful instinct. There are other techniques that you can deploy and a therapist that specializes in anxiety can help. I promise you that you can manage this; don't be afraid to go see someone!
Or take a Dramamine air sickness pill. You'll be out like a light for hours :-)

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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by Steve723 » Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:17 am

mouses wrote:
Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:14 am
Steve723 wrote:
Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:12 am
Silverskates, I have battled a similar fear of flying for a couple of decades now, but have managed it through cognitive behavioral and relaxation techniques. Now I am simply a somewhat nervous flyer, but I can fly and do so regularly! I would strongly suggest you see a psychologist that specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. The underlying anxiety you have is a completely normal physical instinct kicking in (the fight or flight instinct, ironically!).

Simply reciting all the safety stats on flying usually isn't enough to overcome underlying anxiety, which is a very powerful instinct. There are other techniques that you can deploy and a therapist that specializes in anxiety can help. I promise you that you can manage this; don't be afraid to go see someone!
Or take a Dramamine air sickness pill. You'll be out like a light for hours :-)
Meds can help, but they don't address the underlying issue.

Many folks have absolutely no fear of flying and don't understand why someone might be afraid given the safety statistics out there. Anxiety can be a powerful thing and it often overwhelms rational thought. Anyone that has had sleep anxiety, social anxiety, fear of flying, etc. absolutely can sympathize. But it is treatable!

fposte
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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by fposte » Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:31 am

Steve723 wrote:
Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:17 am
mouses wrote:
Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:14 am

Or take a Dramamine air sickness pill. You'll be out like a light for hours :-)
Meds can help, but they don't address the underlying issue.
Speaking as somebody else with a phobia who tried a lot of different methodologies, sure they can; they erode the connection between the stimulus and the anxiety response. However, a dramamine wouldn't touch the adrenaline of many phobic responses--I could have downed a bottle and stayed perky :-).

Steve723
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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by Steve723 » Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:38 am

fposte wrote:
Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:31 am
Steve723 wrote:
Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:17 am
mouses wrote:
Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:14 am

Or take a Dramamine air sickness pill. You'll be out like a light for hours :-)
Meds can help, but they don't address the underlying issue.
Speaking as somebody else with a phobia who tried a lot of different methodologies, sure they can; they erode the connection between the stimulus and the anxiety response. However, a dramamine wouldn't touch the adrenaline of many phobic responses--I could have downed a bottle and stayed perky :-).
Yes, there are anti-anxiety medications that can help (like Lorazepam), but unless you take it, you don't address the underlying issue. The point is not to have to pop a pill! That's where CBT and natural relaxation techniques can help. But sure, for infrequent flights, get an anti-anxiety prescription if all else fails....

fposte
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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by fposte » Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:57 am

Steve723 wrote:
Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:38 am
fposte wrote:
Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:31 am
Steve723 wrote:
Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:17 am

Meds can help, but they don't address the underlying issue.
Speaking as somebody else with a phobia who tried a lot of different methodologies, sure they can; they erode the connection between the stimulus and the anxiety response. However, a dramamine wouldn't touch the adrenaline of many phobic responses--I could have downed a bottle and stayed perky :-).
Yes, there are anti-anxiety medications that can help (like Lorazepam), but unless you take it, you don't address the underlying issue. The point is not to have to pop a pill!
Your point may be not to pop a pill--my point is to get on the airplane.

MDfive21
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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by MDfive21 » Fri Oct 27, 2017 10:42 am

take a class in statistics and find out your actual probability of death?

Hug401k
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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by Hug401k » Fri Oct 27, 2017 11:34 am

As a fellow mother, I think most people here are not getting what you are saying. For me, as a college student, I backpacked through Europe with little money or agenda. I had a wonderful time. Now as a mother, years and years of spending much of my time worrying.. about kids safety, carseats, mental development, germs, kidnappings, identity theft, muggings, concussions, blah blah blah it goes on and on, I get anxious about going somewhere I know nothing about and being "in charge". Because traveling internationally with small children seems a bit too hellish for me, we haven't gone anywhere out of the country. (forget about the hours and hours of work that needs to be done to leave town, lol) I have such fond memories of previous travel. I have no fear of flying. I think it's just a matter of getting back on that horse. I'm thinking a lot of it has to do with the "in charge" part. My plan is that my first trip I will be going with a guide service like one by National Geographic, even though I remember those with some distain from my younger years. I just need to re-orient myself to being somewhere unknown and foreign. Just gotta get over the hump.

I would suggest you start with a short trip and go with a fully guided tour from airport transportation to hotel reservations. Let someone else take care of all the details and start thinking of this as a luxury trip with Mom. :)
Last edited by Hug401k on Fri Oct 27, 2017 11:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

PFInterest
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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by PFInterest » Fri Oct 27, 2017 11:43 am

How would you feel if your mom died before you were able to do this......

Ruger
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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by Ruger » Fri Oct 27, 2017 11:50 am

silverskates wrote:
Wed Oct 25, 2017 2:56 pm
I'm a mom of 4 and have a strong desire to travel abroad but ever since I became a mom I've turned into a chicken. I know it's because I'm afraid of dying (e.g. plane crash) and leaving them without a mom. Prior to having kids I never worried about this.
When I was a kid my parents would never travel on the same plane together because they were afraid the plane would crash and leave us orphans.
It never occurred to them that the most dangerous part of the travel was the trip to the airport. Much more likely to get into a car accident than to be in a plane crash.
Relax and go enjoy your travels with your mother.

sjt
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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by sjt » Fri Oct 27, 2017 12:00 pm

How would you feel if your children traded life experiences for safety? Would you want them sitting home on the couch instead of going out and living life? Experiences in life come with risk - as most others said, air traffic is relatively safe.

2016 saw 325 deaths from plane crashes - I wonder how many of these were small crafts and how many were commercial jets.

Meanwhile, mosquitos kill 725k annually. Humans another 475k. Snakes kill 50k, dogs 25k. Crocodiles kill 1000 per year, and hippos kill 500 people annually. Hippos are more dangerous than air travel.

Have fun on your trip!

randomguy
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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by randomguy » Fri Oct 27, 2017 12:10 pm

MDfive21 wrote:
Fri Oct 27, 2017 10:42 am
take a class in statistics and find out your actual probability of death?
Math doesn't really help in emotional issues. Look at all the people that hare happy about paying off mortgages:).

Assuming this more of a worry than a crippling fear, you just need to go out and do it. If you are actually having panic attacks at the though, your choices are either to seek medical treatment or skip the trips. And I don't know how old your kids are, but I found I mellowed out after the first coule of years.

ktip
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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by ktip » Mon Oct 30, 2017 10:49 pm

Pop a xanax or since you are a BH the generic version.

Seriously though -- I know my own anxiety about non-flying stuff has manifested itself in a fear of flying in a small metal tube miles above the earth. Irrational but also not. And I have multiple friends who have also become afraid of flying. We are all in our mid to late 30s. I know the stats and don't want to sacrifice what flying gives. Like you, time with my mother. Also for me career stuff. So I try to embrace the gifts of the 20th and 21st century and be happy it's so disturbingly easy to get a pill for it. Best. :beer

silverskates
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Re: How to get over the fear of traveling without spouse and children?

Post by silverskates » Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:13 pm

Hug401k wrote:
Fri Oct 27, 2017 11:34 am
As a fellow mother, I think most people here are not getting what you are saying. For me, as a college student, I backpacked through Europe with little money or agenda. I had a wonderful time. Now as a mother, years and years of spending much of my time worrying.. about kids safety, carseats, mental development, germs, kidnappings, identity theft, muggings, concussions, blah blah blah it goes on and on, I get anxious about going somewhere I know nothing about and being "in charge". Because traveling internationally with small children seems a bit too hellish for me, we haven't gone anywhere out of the country. (forget about the hours and hours of work that needs to be done to leave town, lol) I have such fond memories of previous travel. I have no fear of flying. I think it's just a matter of getting back on that horse. I'm thinking a lot of it has to do with the "in charge" part. My plan is that my first trip I will be going with a guide service like one by National Geographic, even though I remember those with some distain from my younger years. I just need to re-orient myself to being somewhere unknown and foreign. Just gotta get over the hump.

I would suggest you start with a short trip and go with a fully guided tour from airport transportation to hotel reservations. Let someone else take care of all the details and start thinking of this as a luxury trip with Mom. :)
Thank you all for your responses. This post by Hug401k gave me something to really think about. I, too, have backpacked throughout Europe during college. I even lived in Europe for a semester. I slept on trains and bummed around cities like it was no big deal. Since then, I haven't traveled in so long (without kids, endless hours of making sure we pack everything, etc.) that I feel like I don't know how to do it anymore!

The fear isn't that my husband can't raise our children if I was to die. It's that if I died (statistically unlikely I know) in a plane crash while traveling to Europe, I'd feel guilty. I'd be dead so I probably wouldn't feel guilty :) but maybe it's more of a thought that I shouldn't be traveling without my children when they are small. This feeling might be stemming from a lack of support from older individuals (e.g. in-laws) thinking travel is only for people with no kids in the house. I totally don't agree with this but I think some of this might be caused by that and yes, I do not like heights so planes scare me horribly!

The many comments I have received have opened my eyes and I'm going to go for it. I want it to be a fun and relaxing experience for my mom and I so we will be using a travel/tour guide (e.g. Rick Steves Tours). I agree with others that I don't want my life to pass by because I'm afraid of something that statistically has a tiny chance of happening. Thanks everyone!

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